There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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