Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize