You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
