There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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