I heard we made out
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
