there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize