Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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