i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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