Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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