My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His hands were made for my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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