Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
