i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
