they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
