it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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