I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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