I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
