I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
