the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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