I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
