you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
