so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
