I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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