My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
