You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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