which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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