so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
