i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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