the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
