i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
