I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im calling her cock vulture from now on
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize