I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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