I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
