I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
