so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize