I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
