Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
