I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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