You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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