Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
