Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize