I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
