Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
