Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize