i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
