I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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