watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They have beer where we have blood.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
