That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
