Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize