yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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