please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
