Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
