i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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