I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
