Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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