The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
