State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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