I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
