Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
