then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
