ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
