turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
