Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
