I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
