does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
