i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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