I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize