What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
