I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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